Driver's Education

CHARACTERS:  (7; 1 Males, 6 Either) 

INSTRUCTOR

STUDENT #1

STUDENT #2

STUDENT #3

STUDENT #4 

PARAMEDIC #1

PARAMEDIC #2

PROPS: Desks and chairs. A stretcher.

COSTUMES: Paramedic uniforms

RUNNING TIME: 6 Minutes

A group of STUDENTS sit silently in a classroom. Enter the INSTRUCTOR.

INSTRUCTOR: Alright, alright, alright quiet down class. Quiet down! (shouts) That's enough! I said simmer down!

(The STUDENTS look at one another, confused.)

STUDENT #1  : Sir, no one's talking.

INSTRUCTOR: You! What's your name?

STUDENT #1  : Cory.

INSTRUCTOR: Gloria, when I say simmer down, that means one thing!

STUDENT #1  : It's Cory!

INSTRUCTOR: (furious) Simmer... down! That's strike two! (pause) I'm here to tell you that I will be taking over this drivers training class because, as you know, your last instructor, Mister Stegbee, is no longer with us.

STUDENT #1  : What?!

INSTRUCTOR: Pipe... down son! Now, I need to see just where you are as a class so I can determine if you're ready to hit the road. Let's get started. Who can tell me how to make a right turn?

(STUDENT #2 raises his/her hand.)

INSTRUCTOR: Yes, you with the hand.

STUDENT #2  : Me?

INSTRUCTOR: You're testing my patience. Yes, you! How do you make a right turn?

STUDENT #2  : Flip your turn signal up and turn the wheel to the right.

INSTRUCTOR: Wrong! My gosh! How could you not know something so basic as... This is how you make a right turn! First, you must put the key in the ignition. Then, you must shift the vehicle into drive. You then put your foot down on the pedal until you reach the desired speed and then you turn your blinker on and turn the wheel to the right. Got it?! You can't just get into a car and start turning right! That's a huge and very basic mistake!

STUDENT #2  : Yes, but that's not what I was...

INSTRUCTOR: If you want to talk, raise your hand!

(STUDENT #2 raises his/her hand.The INSTRUCTOR moves on.)

INSTRUCTOR: Okay, who can tell me what to do at a stop light?

(The STUDENTS all raise their hands. The INSTRUCTOR points to STUDENT #1.)

INSTRUCTOR: Yes, you.

STUDENT #1  : I assume you're talking about if the vehicle is already moving?

INSTRUCTOR: Assuming I'm talking about if the vehicle is moving is not what you do at a stop light. Can someone here correctly answer the question? What do you do at a stop light?

(The STUDENTS reluctantly raise their hands. The INSTRUCTOR points to STUDENT #3.)

INSTRUCTOR: Yes, you!

STUDENT #3  : Stop?

INSTRUCTOR: Wrong! My gosh, how do you get by in this world? Do I have to answer everything for this... What do you do at a stop light? First, you must determine what color the light is. If it is red, then you stop. You don't just stop at every color you see, you'll cause an accident! This is worse than I thought.

STUDENT #1  : Sir, with all due respect, I don't think...

INSTRUCTOR: (furious; mocking) Sir, with all due respect I don't think I should talk without raising my hand! (to the CLASS) This is really bad people. I'm very concerned about you all. It terrifies me to think that you will all be on the road one day. We need to move on. Let's simulate a real life driving experience. Who wants to volunteer?

(STUDENT #4 raises his/her hand.)

INSTRUCTOR: Yes, you. You may either comment, or come forward.

(STUDENT #4 approaches the front of the class. The INSTRUCTOR grabs two chairs and places them side by side)

(to STUDENT #4) Have a seat.

(The INSTRUCTOR sits where the passenger in a car would sit; STUDENT #4 sits in the driver's seat.)

STUDENT #4  : Like this?

INSTRUCTOR: Yes. Now start driving.

STUDENT #4  : (uncomfortable) Um, okay.

(STUDENT #4 pretends to put a key in the ignition, pretends she/he is holding on

to a steering wheel and pretends to put the fake car into gear.)

INSTRUCTOR: Good. Very good! This is refreshing. I'm glad to see there is at least one person in this class who paid attention to the late Mister Stegbee.

STUDENT #1  : He's dead?!

INSTRUCTOR: Quiet! Now, you'll notice how she (he) has her (his) hands on the steering wheel. It's the ten and two position. That's perfect. You'll also notice... (looks up terrified) Look out!!!!!! Ahhhh!!!

(The INSTRUCTOR hurls himself/herself forward on the ground. STUDENT #4 stands up, startled.)

STUDENT #4  : What?! What?!

INSTRUCTOR: Ah! Ow! (The INSTRUCTOR gets up, as if injured) What were you thinking?!

STUDENT #4  : What?! What did I do?!

INSTRUCTOR: What did you do?! You ran right through that red light and slammed into that truck!

STUDENT #4  : What?! What red light! You didn't tell me there was a red light!

INSTRUCTOR: I didn't tell you?! Let me tell you something! There isn't always going to be someone in the car to tell you there is a red light! You have to observe these things for yourself!

STUDENT #4  : But, you didn't....

(The INSTRUCTOR looks up again terrified.)

INSTRUCTOR: Ahhh!!!

STUDENT #4  : (alarmed) What?! What?!

INSTRUCTOR: You left our car in gear!! It's going to drift out right into traffic! Oh man, the principal is going to have my job! We have to stop it. We... (The INSTRUCTOR rushes forward then looks up, terrified; screams) Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! (The INSTRUCTOR hurls himself/herself onto the ground.)

STUDENT #4  : What?! What happened now?!

INSTRUCTOR: (gasping) I've... I've broken my own rule. Never... step out... in the... middle... of... traffic. Hurry, flag... down... an ambulance!

STUDENT #4  : Where?! I don't...

INSTRUCTOR: (gasping) Hurry!!!

(STUDENT #4, confused, looks off stage and halfheartedly waves her/his hands. All of the sudden, much to the surprise of the whole class, PARAMEDIC #1 and PARAMEDIC #2 rush on carrying a stretcher.)